by Debbie Tuma
There are not many people I’ve known for over 65 years. But with the recent passing of Jean Ruggles, my first grade teacher at Montauk Grade School, it gave me pause for thought. I first met Jean when she was Mrs. Kent, and our class of about 15 students was only her second one, at this tiny school, in 1956.
She was young and attractive, with a nice figure, short dark hair, and a warm smile. We came to her out of kindergarten, eager to learn the hard task of reading and writing.
Mrs. Kent would sit on a chair with her students sitting on the floor all around her. She read us books, back in the 1950’s, like “The Happy Hollisters,” “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz” and “The Tale of Peter Rabbit.” We would bring candy from that era, like Necco Wafers, Mary Janes and Bubblegum Cigarettes. Of course back then we had no computers, so we wrote our compositions on sheets of lined paper. The Montauk Grade School was so small back then, going from kindergarten to eighth grade, that it seemed like one big happy family. We took penmanship classes, played Dodge Ball, and even learned to square dance.
Even as we entered East Hampton High School, going from a school of about 150 to about 600, and afterward going to different colleges and cities for work, when back in Montauk we would sometimes drop in to say ‘Hi’ to Mrs. Kent. She was always happy to catch up with her former students, always a good listener, and was always encouraging and positive.
Over the years, as Jean became Mrs. Babcock and then Mrs. Ruggles, I would check in with her at her little home on Lake Montauk, where she would swim and sit at the kitchen table over coffee. No matter how much time had passed between visits, I always enjoyed our lively conversations about work, church, friends, world events, life in Montauk, and travel, which she did much of especially after retirement.
Life wasn’t always easy for Jean. In mid-life she lost her only daughter, Pamela, to cancer. But she continued to be close to her two grandsons, Matthew Lycke and Ian Lycke, all her life. Also, despite some health issues, she continued to maintain a positive attitude toward life. She had great faith and was a life-long member and also a Deacon at the Montauk Community Church.
Jean had a great sense of adventure that took her on many worldwide trips with the Montauk travel club. She also loved to socialize, and was often seen at local restaurants and bars with her friends. I would also see her at the Montauk Chamber networking at different restaurants all around town.
One time I was out with some friends at the Tiki Bar outside the Montauk Marine Basin at the docks, on a hot summer happy hour night, with the band blasting and people dancing, and there was Jean, probably in her 80’s, having a ball in the middle of it all. “You mean you hang out with your former TEACHER?” my friends would ask, bewildered. And I just laughed because Jean was just as much fun and young at heart as they were.
I will never forget her 90th birthday party at Sammy’s Restaurant in Montauk…she looked absolutely stunning in a pink pantsuit with matching scarf, with her then-silver hair short and stylish. About 30 of her friends and family were there and it was a fun, rowdy crowd. Then she got a second 90th dinner celebration at Harvest Restaurant a few nights later, from my former first grade class. Yes, we all congregated to share in her big day, and were glad she had made it.
As time went on, I could see signs that she was slowing down, using a walker around the house, getting a bit forgetful, and having heart problems. She was admitted to St. Francis hospital for heart surgery which saved her life and made her feel better than ever. She even threw a party at her house to celebrate.
Since her grandsons lived out of state, eventually they hired different caretakers to watch over Jean, and she was happy to have company. One of them, from the island of Jamaica, would make Jamaican breakfast of ackee, saltfish, and callaloo and invite me over, so we could feel like we were in the Caribbean. Jean loved it.
Getting into her 90’s, and after a few falls, Jean needed more care so she went to the Westhampton Care Center, only about 10 miles from my present home in Riverhead. so I got to visit her there, instead of going all the way out to Montauk.
Whenever I would go, instead of finding Jean in her room, she would be with a group of people in the “common room”, where they sat in wheelchairs, chatted, and watched TV. Jean would always be glad to see me, and at first I would take her to her room where we could talk privately and I could give her snacks and flowers. Whatever I brought her was so appreciated. One especially sunny day, I decided to see if the staff would let me bring her outside. They agreed, and I wheeled her into the beautiful courtyard. She was looking at all the trees and flowers, sunlight pouring down on her long white hair.
Although she was happy to be in the fresh air, Jean seemed a bit nervous, being out of her usual environment. She sat in the wheelchair, wearing a bathrobe and holding a stuffed cat, which reminded her of her own cat at home. At one point she looked up at me, as if to ask if she would be okay.
Staring down at her now wrinkled face but softer eyes, I could sense her vulnerability, and all at once it hit me, that here I was, calming down and reassuring my first school mentor. The once beautiful young woman who had taught and nurtured our class of vulnerable little kids. Who had opened up our world in a kind and caring way to pave the way to learning. I owed this much to her, to make her last days brighter, as we changed roles in the sunlight of a courtyard, 65 years later. It was for sure, the amazing circle of life.
